Croatianism

I'm Slim Shady, yes I'm the real Shady
All you other Slim Shadys are just imitating
So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up,
please stand up, please stand up?
--Eminem

This week I discovered to my horror that someone in Croatia -- at least he said he was in Croatia -- had assumed my identity on Facebook. Not only was he using my name; he was also using my photos. And, most creepily, his personal information was vaguely reminiscent of my own. (For example, Croatian Adam Sank named Sea World as his employer. While I never worked at Sea World, I did audition to be the host of their Christmas spectacular when I was living in San Diego, something I blogged about here. Croatian Adam Sank listed Ohio State as his alma mater; I went to fellow Big 10 school University of Michigan, and so forth.)

Croatian Adam Sank used an old headshot of mine as his profile picture:

I Call This One "Pit of Despair."

That didn't freak me out as much as the fact that on his wall, he posted an additional headshot with the words, "Here's another picture of me." In other words, he went out of his way to find pictures of me to go along with his fake identity. He also posted clever, insightful status updates, such as, "..fuck,I'm a horny gay bitch,waiting for a nice sexyy hot horny gay *MY BITCH* ;)) :**"

Which is something I say all the time.

I discovered Croatian Adam Sank by accident when I was typing my own name into Facebook's search bar. Why was I searching for myself, you ask? Because I have two pages on the site: The first is my primary profile page, which is simply called "Adam Sank." The second is my fan page, which is called, "Adam Sank, Comedian." The fan page is actually a public page, like one owned by an organization or social group, so there's no way for me to "log in" to it other than to search for it and click on it, the way one would go to a friend's page or that of a group he wanted to join. This is one of the many annoying things about Facebook. (Why I even have a fan page when I'm only half way to the 5,000-friend maximum on my profile page is a conversation for another time.)

Needless to say, I was shocked and amazed when I saw my own name and armpit staring back at me, and living in Croatia no less! I should point out that while Croatian Adam Sank listed Croatia as his current location, he also listed British Columbia as his home province. So who the hell knows? I immediately sent Croatian Adam Sank a message demanding to know what gives. I also reported the profile to Facebook as a fake and alerted all my friends and fans to do the same.

Meanwhile, my mind bubbled at a possible Croatian connection. You see, more than two years ago I received some Internet fan mail from someone supposedly in Croatia and calling himself Zlatko Patacko, along with his request for my "autogram." I blogged about it at the time because I thought it was sort of funny... and then never gave it a second thought.

But in discussing my Facebook impersonator with comedian Shawn Hollenbach the other day, I discovered that he had received the exact same email... as had Dave Rubin, Adam Lehman and Danny Leary, all of them gay New York-based comedians. (Paul Case revealed to me that he was devastated to have been left off Zlatko's list.)

Maybe it's just a coincidence. But the fact that Croatia has now come up twice in connection with me (and other gay comedians) makes me think that Zlatko -- or whoever it is calling himself that -- could also be Croatian Adam Sank.

The Official Flag of Croatia.

I particularly like the goat on the ring finger.

Having an impostor feels very strange. On the one hand, it's flattering to think that some stranger out there thinks enough of me -- or at least about me -- to want to "be" me, at least in a virtual way. On the other hand, it emphasizes how vulnerable each of us is to manipulation (or worse) if we put our names and faces out to the world. After all, Zlatko, or whoever he is, could have pretended to be just about anyone on Facebook. The fact that I'm a public figure -- albeit a very minor one -- increases my chances somewhat, but who's to stop the Zlatkos out there from assuming any identity they want? Even yours?

Certainly not Facebook. I was discussing this Saturday morning with "comic" vulgarian Brad Loekle as we sunned ourselves on my roof. (Brad was clad only in boxer briefs. I shan't give further description lest any of you be eating while reading this.)

Me and the Bald One.

Sept. 4, 2010.

Brad was telling me that Whoopi Goldberg and her lawyers have apparently been waging a campaign to get all her fake Facebook profiles removed. According to what she said on "The View" -- which Brad watches religiously -- Whoopi herself isn't on Facebook. And yet there are a dozen people on the site calling themselves Whoopi Goldberg, using her photos, and essentially commenting on her behalf. (This one has over 20,000 fans!)

But I'm not sure why Whoopi's having such difficulties, because after a single weekend of having my peeps report Croatian Adam Sank to Facebook, I am happy to say that his profile has been deleted. Leaving me, the one and only Adam Sank, to continue toiling in obscurity.

And working on my Croatian comedy tour.

Homo one and only. ♥