Friday, October 30, 2009

My Life Since Grad School

OK, this is such a bullshit non-post. But recently, a flurry of emails were exchanged among people with whom I attended Columbia J-School in '96. Someone posed the question: What has everyone been doing since graduation? My entry was as follows. Enjoy:
OK, I'll bite, given that I probably have the strangest (and perhaps saddest) career trajectory:

After Columbia graduation, I was one of the first production assistants hired at the brand new Fox News Channel. At the time, I thought, "Hey, it's Fox! 'Married With Children!' 'Melrose Place!' 'The Simpsons!' This will be fun!"

Yeah, not so much.

For reasons that continue to baffle to this day, I remained at FNC for more than five years, eventually becoming a senior producer. One day, after telling the executive producer of Daytime to go f-ck himself (and after finally coming to the realization that I was literally and figuratively a Jew working for the Nazis), I decided I badly needed a change of scene. So I moved to WABC as line producer of the nightly 11 o'clock newscast.

That lasted six months. It became painfully clear to me almost immediately that I just didn't want to produce news anymore -- not at FNC, not at WABC, not anywhere. What I really wanted was to be a stand-up comic.

(Cue the crickets.)

So I quit WABC, took the summer off, wrote a bunch of jokes and began cocktail-waiting at a gay bar. And on Sept. 5, 2003, I made my comedy debut at a new talent night at Gotham Comedy Club. It went surprisingly well, and I kept doing it, eventually getting to host and produce my own shows at Carolines, Comix, and and Midtown's Therapy lounge. (Always a producer, never a bride.) I made brief appearances on Vh-1's "Best Week Ever," tru-TV's "Smoking Gun Presents: World's Dumbest Criminals" and NBC's "Last Comic Standing," on which I made the Season Six NYC finals.

Around the time I had begun doing stand-up, a friend of mine working in IT at The New York Times said he could probably get me a freelance gig as a clerk for the paper. It was exactly what I wanted: A ridiculously easy day job I could do four or five days a week while I pursued comedy at night. I ended up staying at The Times for six years, ultimately rising (?) to the position of administrative manager of the Culture desk. Truly the world's greatest day job -- or at least it was before the newspaper began to crumble.

Then, on New Year's Eve, at the dawn of 2008, the unexpected happened: I fell in love. With a sailor. Who was just about to be stationed in San Diego for two and half years.

I leapt.

Goodbye, Times; Goodbye, New York comedy scene; Hello, San Diego and unemployment.

So here I am nearly two years later, still in San Diego, still with my sailor (he's a keeper), trying to keep my feet in comedy in this culturally retarded city and working at what may be the worst day job I've ever had: [THIS PART REDACTED.] Still, it's work, and health benefits, too. In California these days, that's what passes for a glamour position.

All of which is to say, if any of you has a lead on a job -- ANY JOB -- in the San Diego area for which I might be qualified, speak up.

And if you'd like to see what my comedy is like (NSFW unless you work for a gay porn distributor), click here:

And here:

Love and good wishes to you all,
Homo faked posted.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Coming Up For Air

Whew -- that was a long blog break. I am slowly coming back to life after a fun-filled but excruciatingly tiring week-long cruise to Mexico (through a hurricane, natch). I hope to return to blogging soon. In the meantime, if you're in the San Diego area, come see me tonight at a really really big shew at the Mad House Comedy Club.

Click here for details.

And here's one quick pic of me from the cruise, in costume for the 70s Tea Dance:

As gay as it gets.

Much love to all.

Homo in recovery.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

3:10 to Yuma: A Photoblog (Part 2)

I should mention that when we arrived in Yuma, at 6:30 p.m., it was 105 degrees outside. My eyes actually stung from the heat. And from the ugliness:

The entire city resembles a giant ashtray.

Seriously -- it's desolate.

9:00 p.m.
We arrive at the Closet, where I'm performing, and meet up with BW's sister and mother, Sister Wonder and Mama Wonder, who have driven in from Phoenix.
I love these ladies!

Jeremiah, the Closet's owner and bartender, along with the other bartender, whose name, sadly, I cannot recall. They couldn't have been sweeter.

The poster for the show. This was the Closet's first ever comedy evemt, and they really did a great job getting the word out.

Me and J. SaldaƱa, a local comic who opened for me. Really good guy.

Lesbian comic Kass McPherson, who had driven in from Phoenix. Hilarious, and not nearly as scary as she appears in this photo.

10:30 p.m.
At last! It's me -- onstage and kickin' it Yuma style. My opening line: "This is my first time ever performing comedy... ON THE SUN!"

Whatjoo talkin about, Willis?
BW can do many things well; taking pictures is not one of them.

11:15 p.m.
I'm done! Get me a drink immediately!

Outside with my biggest Yuma fans. I told the dude his tattoo looked like a scrotum.

And that's really it. We were all a bit too hot, drunk and tired to take more pictures. But this really was a blast -- one of my favorite road gigs ever. The place was packed, and the crowd was delightful. When I asked a straight couple in the front row why they had come to a gay club that night, the guy said, "To see you."

Yuma. Gotta love it.

Homo razing Arizona.

Friday, October 9, 2009

3:10 to Yuma: A Photoblog

OK, haven't posted in two weeks. Facebook is ruining my creative output, because it's so much easier for me to just post silly little comments and status updates than to craft an actual story in this space. Also, BW and I are preparing for a week-long cruise to Mexico, and so every free moment has been taken up doing important things like skimpy bathing suit shopping (and working out obsessively so that I can wear said skimpy bathing suit without inducing vomit).

I actually have a lot I want to tell you about, including my big day in Traffic Court and the fact that my life has become overtaken by kittens.

Yes, kittens.

But since I'm at work and don't want to bite off more than I can chew, I'll start with something simple, namely a long overdue photo-blog of my comedy road trip to Yuma:

Sept. 25, 2009, 4:00 p.m.
With BW at the wheel (Thank God), we begin on our journey to Yuma, aka "Road to Nowhere."

4:01 p.m.
Already over the drive.

4:02 p.m.
Beaucoup Traffic on the 8...

...and only 159 more miles to go.

5:21 p.m.
BW insists I take a picture of the giant wind turbines at the top of McCain Valley Ridge. He's obsessed with windmills for some reason. My own little Don Quixote.

6:45 p.m.
We arrive at the Fairfield Inn by Marriott, and BW immediately hits the sheets...

...and is asleep in seconds, with a pillow on his head as always.

Shit -- I can't even finish this photoblog now. More to come...

Homo rushed.