Whenever I watched those awards shows, I'd be filled with a certain amount of sadness. I felt sorry for Melissa, because it seemed that either her mother was pushing her against her will to become a TV personality, or that she was pushing herself because she felt like it was the only way to win mom's approval. Either way, she came across as a sympathetic character -- a nice girl in over her head.
"Celebrity Apprentice" has changed all that. It turns out that in addition to being a no-talent horse-face, Melissa is also a petty, nasty, spoiled little bitch.
Wikipedia perhaps sums up what happened best in its entry for the younger Rivers:
[Melissa] was fired during the episode airing April 26, 2009, in what appeared to be one of the most dramatic and classless exits in the history of The Apprentice.
I hesitate to go into a detailed account of what transpired, first because I'm getting the sense that there's very little interest in this topic among my readers, and second because it's just entirely too tedious.
Fortunately for all of us, E! Online has posted a video. To set this up, all I need to tell you is that the two contestants featured in the clip (besides Joan and Melissa) are Playboy playmate Brande Roderick and professional poker player Annie Duke. Melissa had become convinced that Annie and Brande were conspiring against her (which was actually a paranoid fantasy on her part).
I can't embed the video, but click here to watch it. Enjoy. (Seriously -- you'll be glad you did.)
(While I wait for you to finish watching it, here, for no particular reason, is a photo of my two favorite Evangelical Christians, Heather and Chris Quimby. Never let it be said that this blog doesn't offer something for everyone:)
Praise the Lord.
OK, you done watching the video? CRAZY, RIGHT? Honestly, I don't know that I've ever seen tackier on-camera behavior by a celebrity (again, applying that word loosely). And Joan's isn't much better; I'm not sure saying that all poker players are "worse than white trash" is going to go over so well with her Vegas audiences. Clearly, when it comes to her daughter, Joan loses her usual good sense. But again, it's one thing for Joan Rivers to act like an asshole. She's JOAN FUCKING RIVERS. But who the hell does Melissa think she is acting that way?
Interestingly, the most consistently impressive person on "The Apprentice" is Ivanka Trump. Ivanka actually seems a hell of a lot smarter than her father (who always strikes me as something of an idiot savant), and she takes the show seriously without taking herself seriously. She's articulate, cool, calm and collected.
Also, unlike Melissa, Ivanka is beautiful.
I'm not sure what the moral of that is, other than that once again, God isn't always just. (Apologies to the Quimbys.)
Homo outraged. ♥