Wrapping it Up

"At the end of yet another failed relationship,… you have to wonder, what's it all worth?" -- Carrie Bradshaw

So here I am at the end of yet another relationship, another year, another decade. I seem to be do nothing these days but ending things: My day job, my last San Diego comedy show, the last time I'll see many of the friends I've made while I've been here. The last time BW and I will sleep in the same bed.

What's truly terrifying is, I have no sense of what lies ahead, beyond the immediate future. Directly looming is my cross-country tour, which has really sort of turned into something, and for which I am most excited. More on that in a bit.

But after the tour ends... what? How will I support myself? Where will I live after my family and I can no longer tolerate suburban cohabitation? Will the NYC comedy world welcome me back with open arms and legs? And will anyone notice that my ass has shrunk considerably over the past 16 months? (People think I'm crazy, but I'm telling you, I've gone down at least one cup size.)

The sane voice inside my head -- always the quietest of all the voices -- tells me I'll be fine. That I've done this before. That I'm a resourceful person. That I have an amazing support network of friends and family. And that squat thrusts can rebuild my sagging ass.

But I'm not going to lie to you: This sucks. I hate goodbyes. It would be easier if I could be like "Fuck you, San Diego!" But I can't. There are too many people who I love out here and who have been tremendous friends to me. And though I never would have believed it, I've actually come to feel ingrained in the local comedy scene.

Friday night I headlined at Ocean Beach Comedy at Winston's.

It was a fun night. I got to hang with Tyson Karrasch and Ryan Shores, two of my favorite straight-boy comics out here whom I love even though they've never shown me their penises. BW and some of our closest friends came out to support me, as did the lovely and talented Karson St. John and her wacky family. And even the Murphys -- one of my families from Lincoln Military Housing -- showed up to laugh.

After the show, a guy came up to me. "You know, on the poster, you look like Christian Bale," he said. "But in real life, you look like George McFly." Ah, showbiz.

The next night was my farewell show at the Dirtbag in Pacific Beach. I can't say enough -- though I tried to onstage -- how much those guys have meant to me. I had truly given up on doing any stand-up out here when I received a random email from some guy named Doc (who turned out to be as sweet and gentle as he was scary-looking), inviting me down to this tiny clothing store where they had launched a comedy show on Sat. nights.

That show... and the other MikDago shows I did with Doc and Fiduce... literally brought me back to life, reminding me why I started doing comedy in the first place. I love them with every fibre of my being.

Sadly, my final set at the Dirtbag was a stinking pile of shit. But as I said, I'm not good with goodbyes.

Doc and Fiduce illustrate the size of their manhoods.

Although Dirtbag was my last "official" SD show, Sunday night I did a "surprise" set at Christian Spicer's and RJ Dharni's new show at the Ken Club, "Live Comedy Live." (And boy, was the crowd surprised, as in, "Who the hell is this?") I actually had a very strong set, and it felt good to leave on a high note.

Contrary to how it appears, I did not fellate the microphone.

One sec -- gotta put in another load of laundry...

* * *

OK, the tour: Originally, I had this little idea that if I were going to be driving across the country anyway, I might as well stop along the way and do a few comedy gigs if I could -- you know, cover my gas money, pick up a free meal and a place to stay here and there, and so forth. What I didn't anticipate was A) The level of interest there would be among gay bars and clubs in middle-America to have me perform, and B) The amount of help I would receive from friends, friends of friends and complete strangers in putting a tour together.

I will never be able to repay the kindness that I have been shown. You know who you are, but just to name a few: Tommy, Seth, Rich, Kimo, Walt, Brent, Kasey, straight Chad, gay Chad, straight Scot, gay Scott and Michael. If karma exists, you'll all be receiving great riches someday.

Here's the schedule as of now, and it keeps growing:

Saturday, January 2nd at 10:00pm
The Closet Lounge
3780 South Fourth Ave
Yuma, AZ
www.myspace.com/theclosetyuma

Sunday, January 3rd at 8:00pm
Woody's
3710 North Oracle Road
Tucson, AZ
www.mywoodysaz.com/

Tuesday, January 5th at 9:00pm
Private Event
Albuquerque, NM
(This one can't be advertised, but it's open to the public. Email me if you want details.)

Thursday, January 7th at 11:00pm
The 212 Club
212 SW 6th Avenue
Amarillo, Texas
www.myspace.com/the212clubamarillo

Friday, January 8th at 10:30pm
Phoenix Rising
2120 Northwest 39th Street
Oklahoma City, OK
www.myspace.com/phoenix_rising_okc_06

Saturday, January 9th at 9:00pm
Star Bar
1900 West 3rd Street
Little Rock, AR
www.starbarlounge.com

Tuesday, January 12th at 8:00pm
Hollywood Disco
1907 Division Street
Nashville, TN
www.hollywooddisconashville.com

Friday, January 15th at 10:30pm
Rainbow Mountain Resort
210 Mount Nebo Road
East Stroudsburg, PA
www.rainbowmountain.com

Sunday, January 24th at 10:00pm
Therapy
348 West 52nd Street
New York, NY
www.therapy-nyc.com

I'll be promoting the tour on the radio tonight...

Tuesday, December 22nd at 9:00pm
Ramble Redhead Show (Radio Interview)
9:00PM ET, 6:00PM PT
Pride48.com Internet Radio
www.pride48.com

and next week...

Monday, December 28th at 8:00pm
The Derek & Romaine Show (Radio Interview)
Sirius-XM OutQ 109
8:00PM ET, 5:00PM PT
www.derekandromaine.com/

So tune in and listen, and come see me if you live in one of the above cities. I am going to try my hardest to blog from every single stop on the road, video included.

Laundry needs folding. I'm done for now.

Homo on the cusp. ♥

P.S. Blogger spellcheck thinks "fellate" should be "foliate." What a prude.