Me: I'm watching Japanese puppet theatre. Help me.
Brad: Im in my 3 fucking show.. KILL ME!
Me: Your 3 Show? You mean your 3rd show?
Brad: Wow. Really? Ur gonna correct grammar in a text? U know this is why people don't like Jews.
* * *
BW and I decided several weeks ago to buy a new mattress. Our old one was as hard as a rock, and I got tired of waking up wracked with pain. After purchasing a nice, new soft Ortho mattress, we listed the old one for sale on Craig's List.
I personally would NEVER buy a used mattress, so terrified am I of bedbugs and such, but I figured someone out there might be disgusting enough to do so. So I composed the following ad:
LIKE NEW: Full-Size Sealy Reserve Mattress
Full-Size Sealy Posturepedic Reserve "Thistle Meadow Cushion Firm" Mattress for Sale.
Immaculate, stainless, spotless, no holes or rips, in perfect condition.
Owned and slept on for six months by an extremely clean, hygienic couple.
Asking $200.
Here was the only response we received:
I am a pro tattoo artist in San Diego and was wondering if you would like to trade for tattoo work. I am offering you 100.00 more than your asking price in credit for tattoo work at our shop. You can check out our shop and work online here: http://www.cleaninktattoos.com/.
Hope to hear from you soon!
It was a tempting offer, but in the end we decided to go for cash rather than tattoos. So we lowered the price to $100.
Yesterday a woman agreed to buy the mattress at that price for her adult son, who's moving back in with her and her husband.
"I'm sure it will be comfortable enough for him, and if it's not... well, he needs to get his own place eventually anyway," she confided to me through gritted teeth.
"I'm sure it will be comfortable enough for him, and if it's not... well, he needs to get his own place eventually anyway," she confided to me through gritted teeth.
Poor guy; I can just picture him now waking up in his parents' home on that slab of cement wondering exactly how and when his life turned to shit. At least he won't have bedbugs.
* * *
Did my first show in Coronado last night with the Dirtbag boys. It was a blast, but in order to get there I had to drive over the Coronado Bridge. I'm a total freak about bridges; nothing frightens me more than having to drive over one. And if you've ever seen that bridge, you know it looks like the world's scariest roller coaster. Oh, and it was raining. For the first time in months. Needless to say, it was nearly raining in my pants as well.
Highway to Hell
This is pretty much the face I made driving over the bridge.
Video clips of the show if and when they become available.
* * *
Thank you to everyone who left comments on the last blog. And sorry for calling you ungrateful shits. I was in a bad place that day. Coming soon, an epic blog post -- an old high school memory -- that's been churning in my head of late. I'm not ready to write it yet, but I'm getting there. Bear with me.
Homo random. ♥
8 comments:
Great, I had already told you I'm always concerned you will correct my emails if they are grammatically incorrect, now I must worry about freakin' text messages, JEEZ!!
xoxoxoxox
I, too, am petrified of bridges. I don't mind burning them, however. You got a nice template here, although I hear wordpress is far more superior. I'd love to include you in my blogroll if that's cool
It reminds me of driving over the Pulaski Skyway in Jersey - I still would rather pay the toll than drive that little stretch of terror!!!
I can't even imagine you driving over the Golden Gate Bridge. What about this bridge?
http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_worlds_highest_bridge.htm
I thought you did awesome there - cool to see a show in Coronado - I need to learn to do crowd work like that. I performed at Brick by Brick last night and didn't do too well - and I think I should have started with crowd work but I kinda choked....
Nice Post
Gay
WTF do you comment? Adam, your days are filled with all the delicious obscurities of American life. Is that a word? Too lazy to look it up.
BTW, I don't think being jewish is the issue, he should just say, "that's why people don't like you." Is it better to be politically incorrect than insensitive?
I love (and like) you Ad. Keep up the honesty! Feel free to correct me anytime. Well, except now...
Dude, I am totally the same way about the Coronado Bridge! I roll my windows down every time I have to go over it in case it buckles and I plummet into the water. I'm not patient enough for the water to fill up the car before I open the door to swim to safety. Ugh. I'm glad you didn't die.
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