Rambling Recap

Six Days Until I Move to San Diego

I am so behind in keeping up with this blog it's terrifying. And given your overwhelming reaction (or complete lack thereof) to the last few I've posted, it beginning to feel like masturbation at this point -- except blogging takes much longer and there's no reward at the end.

So rather than spend hours trying to construct a thoughtful, witty, trenchant recap of what's been going on with me the last couple weeks, instead I give you the following frenetic hodgepodge. It's all you deserve right now.

First, I've taped not one but TWO television spots in the last week. And by television spots, I mean local-cable and/or web-based shows that have a viewing audience smaller than the one that reads this blog regularly. Nevertheless, it's TV, and I'm grateful for it.

The first was as host of "Out at the Center," a monthly show highlighting the good work of New York's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center.

This is the third or fourth time I've hosted the show, and though I love doing it, it's always a challenge. The show is taped in a room at the Center, and they can't run the air conditioner during taping because it'll ruin the sound. Coincidentally, I am only asked to host the show during the hottest months of the year. And as frequently mentioned on this blog, I tend to sweat like Louie Anderson at an all-you-can-eat Mexican buffet, even in the most temperate of circumstances.


¡Buenos Dias!

Also, the Center's "TelePromTer" consists of a Stove Top stuffing can, on which large-size printouts of the script are taped. As I read, a production assistant slowly turns the can. And since the can is underneath the camera's lens, I have to try and keep my eyes up, above the words, so it appears as though I'm looking directly into the camera instead of reading a stuffing can below it. But at the same time I have to keep my chin down so I don't look as though I've had a stroke. And I have to smile. And all this is happening as rivers of sweat are running down the sides of my stomach.

As I said, it's a challenge.




And it makes me nostalgic for Thanksgivings past.

Anyway, the finished result actually came out well. You can watch it here. (It starts with Lisa Fernandes from "Top Chef," and then I pop up.)

In a very different vein, I also taped a quick segment for Shawn Hollenbach's "Busted" show on Here-TV. The theme of this week's show was ancient Rome, so Shawn asked if I would write and perform something about bathhouses. He also asked that I be shirtless for it. I am in less than peak shape at the moment and was afraid I'd come across as a tubby load of goo. Which I did. Watch it here.
(I come on about four minutes in.)

Mosied out to Fire Island yesterday for my last East Coast gig before my move to SD. Seated in front of me on the train to Sayville were two adorable fox terriers and their enormously gay owner, who spoke to them in baby talk for the entire length of the trip.



'Hello. We have a better life than 99.9% of the world's population.'

Arrived at the Ice Palace to find it completely deserted. It was gray and rainy, and I had about 10 hours to kill before the show. Luckily, since last year the hotel has installed plasma TVs in every room. I was in Heaven.




My salvation.

Finally, around 5 p.m., Brad Loekle showed up...



Girl!

... and quickly got to work...


Note the omnipresent pit stains.

Along for the ride were DC funny-man Zach Toczynski, left, and his cute boyfriend.



Awww....


The Ice Palace is always a scary room for me. This is my third (or possibly fourth) time headlining there, and I still haven't quite figured out the crowd. They tend to be old and gay and cranky and very Long Island, and if they don't love you immediately, they have no problem just staring silently at you for 20 minutes like a pack of sullen house cats. It's like Therapy... but worse.

Fortunately I opened and closed very strong. As for what came in the middle... well, it wasn't too awful.




Fake Photo Alert! I had Brad take this picture of me before the show began.
Doesn't it look like I'm actually killing, though?

Ugh. There's a lot more I want to tell you, especially about the Therapy roast, but as usual I'm out of time. Stay tuned, and I'll try to blog again tomorrow.

Homo out. ♥