My Big Reveal

At last, I'm ready to let you all in on the worst-kept secret of the decade:

I'm leaving New York City.

Buh-Bye.

Yes, I'm getting the hell out of Dodge, I'm blowing this pop stand, I'm leaving on that midnight train to Georgia, I'm shuffling off to Buffalo, I'm getting my act together and taking it on the road.

Actually I'm moving to San Diego.

Hello.

I will be living with my military boyfriend, the aforementioned Boy Wonder, continuing to pursue performing opportunities on the West Coast and, I hope, finding a way to make enough money during the day to live on.

And now, some answers to Frequently Asked Questions:

1) Why the hell are you doing this?

Because I've fallen in love with someone wonderful, and San Diego is where he lives. Plus, it's one of the most beautiful places on earth. And finally because after 13 years in New York City, it's time for a fresh start.

I love New York; it's the greatest city on earth, my family lives nearby and I'm sure I'll come back here someday. But New York kicks the shit out of you after a while, particularly if you're not incredibly wealthy. It's an exhausting place, filled with stress and noise and filth and mice living under your sink. I've had enough for now.

2) What about your comedy career?

What comedy career?

Seriously, I've had some very nice things happen over the past five years. I'm particularly happy with how the Therapy show has grown into such a successful franchise. And it was thrilling to get on "Last Comic Standing," (which, by the way, premieres May 22). Plus I've met some wonderful people, both on-stage and behind the scenes.

But I've also become increasingly discouraged with the comedy scene in New York. It seems to be more about politics than about talent, or hard work or integrity. It's a big game, and one I suck at playing. Somewhere along the way, I've pissed off the wrong people, or failed to kiss the ass of the right ones, or both. I'm not getting into specifics; those of you who are close to me know the insanity with which I've dealt. Suffice it to say, there are people out there who seem bound and determined to keep me down. They know who they are, and some of them are reading these words right now.

Why do they despise me so? I don't know. Why did all those people on the school bus pelt me with snowballs in 7th grade? I've always been someone who inspires intense feelings in others. You either love me or hate me; there's no in-between.

My high school chorus teacher, a dear woman named Mrs. Lehrman, once told me that the higher you climb the ladder of success, the more your butt sticks out, and the more people will want to take pot-shots at you. (I'm sure I'm mangling her metaphor, but you get the point.)

I would hardly say I've attained any significant level of success in the New York comedy world. But I have, for whatever reasons, garnered a lot of attention, particularly in the first couple years, perhaps before I deserved it. I think this might have bred resentment among other performers. "What's so great about this guy?!," etc.

And yes, I have a big fucking mouth. I've said things and written things I shouldn't have. No doubt I've brought some of this on myself. But I have also, I believe, acted with integrity, generosity and fairness and, in the end, helped a helluva lot more comedians than ever helped me.

Bottom line is, I think I've gone as far as I'm going to get in New York City comedy. And while San Diego isn't exactly a first-tier comedy town, I'm confident that there will be new and exciting opportunities both there and in nearby L.A. And the truth is, there a lot of other things besides comedy I'm interested in pursuing, including acting, writing, surfing, etc.

We'll see.

I, Beach Bum.

3) What will happen to your Therapy show?

I'll continue hosting it until mid-July. After that, it's up to the owner and managers of Therapy. I hope very much that they continue doing a comedy show there Sunday nights, and I hope it's hosted by someone terrific.

4) Are you selling your condo?

No. I'm subletting it. Through a realtor. For a lot of money. You can't afford it.

5) What will you do for money out there?

No idea! Seriously! If anyone has connections in San Diego and wants to hook me up, please email me! I'd like to find something part-time and/or freelance to start before committing myself to another full-time day job.

6) Speaking of day jobs, what's this mysterious day job you've had all these years that you've never blogged about?

For the past six years, I've worked at The New York Times, first as a news assistant and then as an administrative manager. I actually did discuss it a couple times in some early blogs but then stopped doing so for reasons of professional discretion. I love The Times very much, and I'll miss working for them tremendously.

***

I'm sure there are other questions, but finally writing all this down has exhausted me, and I'm going to take a pause for now. Needless to say, this is an exciting, terrifying time for me, and I'm taking it day by day.

Stay tuned. ♥

Come see me host The Electro Shock Therapy Comedy Hour this Sunday, May 11, when my special guests will be Michelle Buteau, Eric Alexander, Lexi Cullen-Baker and Scott Ryan. Details on my web site.

And don't miss seeing me on the season premiere of Last Comic Standing, Thursday, May 22 at 9:30 p.m.!