Sheer Madness

UPDATED! PHOTO OF ME IN MY HEATH LEDGER COSTUME NOW ATTACHED!

I received the following email via my web site last Thursday:

hi sweet adam ..i am zlatko by croatia 26 year old..189-73 sexy ok boy ..i am gay....please you send me any your free .....dvd+photos+autogram for nice memory on you...my adr..
zlatko patacko
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxx durdevac
croatia-europe..

my cell for sms...003XX..XXXXXXXXX...

write me a soon....zlatko.kissessss

you are very , very sexy...kisses


Incidentally, I hear Durdevac is beautiful this time of year.

First of all, Zlatko Patacko may just be the coolest name ever. If I ever use a stage name, that will be it. And while I'm not exactly sure what a "189-73 sexy ok boy" is (perhaps they catalogue their gays in Croatia?) his email was very sweet, so I'm definitely going to send him an autogram.

Far creepier was an email sent last week to one of the editors at "Out in Jersey" magazine, in which I write a regular column called "Jersey Queerys." First, some background: Some of you may recall an incident about a year and half ago, when the magazine published an interview with Lily Tomlin in which I was briefly mentioned. After it was published, a man with a fetish for sheer socks contacted me because he had seen the following photo of Lily Tomlin in drag...



(Note the socks...)

...and had somehow become convinced that I was the person in the photo.

Well, my stockinged stalked has returned. Only this time, he's sent me a photo:

Adam; I saw a recent picture of you on a publication and saw that you and I have there same taste in socks. I have a great collection of all types of sheers and wear them all the time. If possible, please send me more pics of you in the sheers if you can. I don't know if they rise to the level of "playthings" with you as they do with me but if they do, let's hear from you on that also. Pic attached.

SinSHEERly, Phil


It puts the socks on itself...

Phil, you get points for the "SinSHEERLY" sign-off, which made me laugh out loud. But again, for the record, and what I hope is the last time: I DON'T OWN ANY FUCKING SHEER SOCKS! I DON'T WEAR SHEER SOCKS, AND I DON'T FIND SHEER SOCKS EVEN REMOTELY SEXY! IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO WEARS SHEER SOCKS, PLEASE CONTACT LILY TOMLIN.

Couple other quick hits I've been meaning to mention for some time:

Has anyone else noticed that MTV makes it impossible to speed through the commercials of a show that's been recorded using DVR? I find it truly maddening. Time after time, I sit down to watch my recording of "The Gauntlet III/Real World-Road Rules Challenge" (which features more male flesh than gay porn). A commercial will begin, I'll hit the fast-forward on the DVR, it'll advance about 10 seconds... and then it'll freeze. When you hit play, it actually rewinds 10 seconds and forces you to watch the commercial in its entirety.

HOW THE FUCK IS MTV DOING THIS? And if such DVR-zapping technology exists, why is MTV the only channel using it?


Gratuitous shirtless pic of Danny, my favorite Gauntleteer.

Finally, New Rule: Please Do Stop the Music. Yes, this Rihanna tune was catchy when it first came out, especially the whole Michael Jackson "ma ma say ma ma sah ma ma koo sah" part. But after hearing it on the radio 1,000 times a day, every day for two months, I'm over it. It's done. Finished.

Incidentally, that song was playing when Boy Wonder and I first danced together on New Year's Eve. Somehow, the moment wound up on YouTube. See if you can spot us...




That's about all for today. Sorry no Oscar recap this year; it's just too much work. For what it's worth, I enjoyed the show. Not sure why everyone's bashing Jon Stewart today; he made us laugh at the Julie & AJ Jacobs party I attended. Oh, my costume for this year's party? Heath Ledger.

Too soon?

Many, many thanks to all the people who sent me warm birthday greetings. It was one of my nicest birthdays ever, culminating in the wedding of my dear friend, Jennifer Starobin, at which Boy Wonder and I wore matching tuxes:


It was just like my high school prom.
But with sex afterwards.

Homo out.

Come see me host the Electro Shock Therapy Comedy Hour this Sunday, March 2, at 10 p.m., when my special guests will be Rick Crom, Helen Hong, Chantal Carrere and Dave Rubin. Details on my web site.